she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
