i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
