cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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