mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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