No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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