If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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