i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize