he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
