I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
