You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
