Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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