I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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