Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
