Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
