Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
