I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My pussy is not your playground.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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