What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
