She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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