I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize