Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
