I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
