Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
