hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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