he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Operation Purity has been aborted
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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