never play flip cup with pint glasses
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
