If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it was like eating out sand paper
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
