dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize