best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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