how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
