Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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