Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
