why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize