quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
