3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
