He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize