bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
