I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
