Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
