I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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