YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
