I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
