I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
