Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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