Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
50% drunk capacity currently
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize