i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
