i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
