what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
