Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
