He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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