There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
