I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
