It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
