Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
