just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
