My nipple is on Facebook.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
