He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
