I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
