the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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