my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
