I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
