Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize