All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
