I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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