so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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