ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize