So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
