I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
