first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
