If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
