I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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