Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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